Metal Foundations Reviews

  My planet was invaded by GWAR before they CRASHED AND FROZE On earth. They violated us relentlessly! Often resulting to “unnatural” insertions into our cavities. It was millennia of slogging through the most vile depravity you can imagine…. Which is why I followed them to earth. I COULDN’T GET ENOUGH!   What I DID NOT ANTICIPATE on is the “ice age” after the big asteroid. I’d been existing on a steady diet of shark urine and the skin flakes falling off of nerds at Magic: The Gathering tournaments for those dark years. Now that GWAR is back at it, back in me and baby back ribs© I promised their OK FOR HUMANS PR agency a review of their new EP – THE RETURN OF GOR-GOR Immediately – “The Great Circus Train Disaster” spins a yarn about an ungodly train disaster being stalked by the TYRANT LIZARD GOR-GOR himself. The track is peppered with circus themes, which is on brand for a band which brings the gore circus to town. The lyric “Die, Pie Car prostitute. My possum-b...

"Could my anus be any more ready?" My exact thoughts as I entered  The Phoenix Concert Theater  in Toronto . A venue I've been a patron of many times. On time in particular was Meshuggah during the DVD taping of their "Ophidian Trek" concert. I've also of course seen GWAR here several times. Including at one of the last concerts that Corey Smoot  would ever play, and the retirement of the character "Flattus Maximus"  I'm no stranger to GWAR   concerts. This show marks show #33 for me. My GWAR origin story is one that made the band themselves chuckle. Near my elementary school was a forest, and in said forest was some fallen logs, beneath which you could find stolen Penthouse , PlayBoy and Chubbers magazines. Carefully wrapped in saran wrap as to not spoil their immaculate pages.. surely stolen from one of our Dads.. Mixed in the treasure trove of magazines one day was GWARs " America Must Be Destroyed " cassette.  "Surely, if t...

           (Photo Credit - Susan Moss Photography )   Around 1995-1996 or so I was told by my older sister "You have to come see this music video, I think you'll like it". Most of the time she was right, but I had to play it cool and seem uninterested. I begrudgingly made my way in to her room and she began playing " Travolta " by " Mr. Bungle ". "this is going to be shit" ... Mr Whattle? Mr Waffle? Mr Wubbles? ugh.. The ultras sleek, ultra modern iMac (gen 1) screen came to life with... Heaven. A man in a gimp mask began singing, then SCREAMING TO CIRCUS MUSIC, and then HANGING CLOWNS? What the fuck is this ? Who the fuck is this?! WHY THE FUCK IS THIS?! Mr Bungle - "Travolta" Video I was immediately captivated. I picked up the Mr Bungle self titled record, and from there fell down a Mike Patton rabbit hole. Tomahawk, Mr Bungle, Faith No More + 100 other bands. Shortly after this MAJOR LIFE DISCOVERY I had the opportunity to (sneak...