Metal Foundations / Metal World Radio Album Review – GWARS’ “The Return Of Gor-Gor”

 

My planet was invaded by GWAR before they CRASHED AND FROZE On earth. They violated us relentlessly! Often resulting to “unnatural” insertions into our cavities. It was millennia of slogging through the most vile depravity you can imagine…. Which is why I followed them to earth. I COULDN’T GET ENOUGH!

 What I DID NOT ANTICIPATE on is the “ice age” after the big asteroid. I’d been existing on a steady diet of shark urine and the skin flakes falling off of nerds at Magic: The Gathering tournaments for those dark years. Now that GWAR is back at it, back in me and baby back ribs© I promised their OK FOR HUMANS PR agency a review of their new EP – THE RETURN OF GOR-GOR

Immediately – “The Great Circus Train Disaster” spins a yarn about an ungodly train disaster being stalked by the TYRANT LIZARD GOR-GOR himself. The track is peppered with circus themes, which is on brand for a band which brings the gore circus to town. The lyric “Die, Pie Car prostitute. My possum-belly queen. Floppy titted, crack addicted” did make me cry. It was that, or pink eye. I finger my eyes A LOT. This track is fun, reminds me of better times and great carnage. 7/10

Lot Lizard – is a song about something we can all relate to. Easily accessible sexual favors at the Flying J. “I’m not a who, I’m a what! Back row pickle park slut”. Yes, yes you is ! This song brings the M E T A L . Reminiscent of the “America Must Be Destroyed” era of the band – it regurgitates the sick, gross, awful, offensive BONER inducing sensibility that only GWAR can make happen. This track is my favorite NEW track. 8.5/10

Tyrant King  - A song about the myth, the legend, the “that has to be inconvenient to tour with” dino himself – GOR-GOR. Laser precision and punk attitude is oozing from this song. Human influences, on a GWAR track?? Disgusting! But excellent. I felt a small bulge in my pants while this song brought me higher and higher – Then the rat in my pants jumped out, and I DROPPED MY CRACK PIPE. We were all startled! The rat, myself, my basement slave, my sock full of spiders, my neighbors. I did however find myself banging my head .  8/10

 

Crack In The Egg, The Founding Fathers, America Must Be Destroyed & Fishfuck (LIVE) – tracks 4 through 7.

 

I lump these together for 2 reasons. One, my PTSD from millennia of rectal dilation only allows me to concentrate so much. Two, they flow seamlessly together and three it captures the essence of GWAR live. Which is DIFFICULT to do. GWAR is in the (my opinion) great revival of their career. Having seen them a disgusting 36 times myself (I am not exaggerating!) I have seen the crowds build, then dwindle, and then a period of rebuild and uncertainty after losing ODERUS URUNGUS. The crowds are now back STRONGER than they have been in at least 20 years. Towards the end of ODERUS era GWAR attendance was waning – now the draw of blood, flesh and sprayed semen is STRONGER than ever. Crack in The Egg brings back old GWAR GOODNESS with the witty banter we’ve all come to love and expect! The Founding Fathers is a commentary on the state of modern American politics. It bleeds perfectly in to the classic “America Must Be Destroyed” – the title track off of the seminal 1992 record. GWAR has NEVER in their career shied away from speaking against the STUPIDITY of humans. Some newer sound-bytes add to the mood of the original track, modernizing the song as well as showing us just how much THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY REMAIN THE SAME. Fishfuck ! what a f*king dogsh*t piece of crap song! And Live? Gross. That elevates these live tracks to a solid 10/10.

Overall thoughts – 8.5/10

This collection of new songs and live classics is a necessity in the GWAR collectors life. The multimedia offerings of the package (graphic story telling + music) make this irresistible!

 

Review by Jonny D – Metal World Radio